Monday, November 9, 2009

The "T" started it...

Just wondering why "T" is at the end of my last name (Fontenot) ? I mean it doesn't make a sound, so why?
All it does is screw up how people say, or spell it! I mean the first "T" makes a sound SOOOOOO ?!!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU "T" WHY WONT YOU MAKE NOISE?!!
Its starting to piss me off the more I think about it. I got a free loader in my name!!!
Pretty soon all the other letters are gonna think it's ok for them not to make noise, then what am I gonna do?
"Hey whats you re last name?" Oh it's "_____"
spelled Fontenot ( the "T" started it)
I don't trust it, I think it's up to something!!!
You have one job!!! "T"
Get off you lazy "T" ass and make noise or get out of my name!!!
Crazy French with their wine, cheese, and silent letters...

You Got to be Favin me!!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

We are going to do a Show Here?!!

When I first started doing Comedy I had no idea the places it would take me. I thought it would be like on T.V. nice Comedy Clubs, or Bars , with great crowds that came for the Show ,ready to laugh, and have a great time. While most of the time this is true. Sometimes we as Comics find ourselves in some crazy places. Places that I would have never guessed would be doing a Show.
Here is a list of some the craziest places I have done Comedy at:
-Super max Prision
- Cage Fights (in the Cage in between fights)
-Radio station personality's living room
-Some guys garage
-A Field (a illegal field party)
-Biker rally
-Shit load of Strip Clubs (sounds like a good idea but its really not)
-Collage cafeteria
-Collage classroom
-Rodeo
-Retirement home
-Pipe shop
-Truck stop (between karaoke)
-Bachelorette party (they thought we were the strippers)
-Hospital
-On a boat
-Bowling Alley ( not in a bar in the Bowling Alley on the lanes)
-A street fair
-Swingers Club
-A Comic friend of mines basement for his mom and here friends
Just to name a few!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Happy Halloween...you look like a whore, thank you

This is gonna sound like I'm complaining but I'm not...Just don't understand why ladies wait for Halloween to dress like whores? You can't say its not true, your costumes don't even make sense "look I'm a cop he he" Really?!! I've never seen a cop in a thong, if cops dressed like hookers I wouldn't mind being pulled over, Again im not complaining, as a matter of fact its because of this I think we should have Halloween like 4 times a year!!!

Friday, September 25, 2009

More proof I will never understand women...

I have tried over , and over to understand this but I just can't!

I don't know why women are going ape shit over Twilight. "Oh Edward is so hot!"

...Uh hes a vampire Lady's!!! Whats next are serial killers going to be hot next?!!

"Oh well you don't get it cause you're a guy, he is so romantic!" Uh really I think he is creepy,

watching women sleep is not romantic last time I checked that was called stalking!!!

Say I just meet a girl, who I just stare at. Then put sparkles all over my body, then at night while

she is sleeping I break into her house and watch her sleep...Yea I would go to jail! You wouldn't

see her walking around wearing a Team Joe sweatshirt...I'm just saying I don't get it I tried...

Friday, July 31, 2009

WTF?!!

Hey hears a good idea...lets sneak a 15 y.o. Kid into a bar for a comedy Show, Then have the "mayor" get pissed off cause I work a little blue..."hey how could you talk about sex in front of a 15 y.o. boy"...Are you kidding me!?? What the fuck is he even doing here?!! and if anyone needs to hear what I'm talking about its the 15 y.o....WTF ?!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I like you but "FAN"?!!

I'm just wondering why Facebook is suggesting that I become a "FAN" of Staples! Really "FAN" as in Fanatic, as in Fanatical? Meaning I would go to Staples shirtless with their logo painted on my chest, holding a Kodak printer ink foam #1 finger hand, only after hanging out in their parking lot drinking beer and BBQ hot dogs and burgers every Sunday?!!...Maybe I'm just in a bad mood...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Ok, I know now I'm just bitching

I'm not happy about this, but here it is:
I'm now on Twitter?!!

When is this going to end?

I already have Myspace, Facebook, Email, Gmail, Youtube page, web site, and a Blog,

and now I have to Twitter as well?...

Soon I'm not even going to have time to do Shows.

I will be way too busy updating where I'm suppose to be doing Shows.

Whats next Watch me watch you . com!

It was bad enough with Myspace and Facebook. always asking me:

"Whats on your mind?"

WHAT?!!

Look I know I have had "relations" so to speak with my laptop, but I'm not dating my computer! You can't ask me that! We are not going out Toshiba!!!

Now I get to log onto to Twitter and get"

"What are you doing?"

"How about now?"

"and now?"

"What about now?"

They should rename it Nag me . com

So here I go Tweet , Tweet!!!

www.Twitter.com/JoeFontenot

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Leave no child behind my ass!!!


Thank you Portland Public Schools


First off, cursive writing...anyone use this?...anyone? I spent grades 1st through 3rd learning this huge waste of time!!! and I don't even use it, only when I'm signing something and most of the time I'm typing it anyway via: email, myspace, facebook , porn sites you get my point.


And Spelling?! I'm 33 years old and I always misspell “intell”. See what I mean!!!

I'm just running around misspelling “until”!!!

And thanks to my spell check I don't even try. I just kinda type the words in and hit "fix".


I also failed my Career Ed Class in High School, for making jokes and messing around!!!

Ahem, “HI I'M A COMEDIAN”!!!

“Maybe I was on task Mr. Whitehead!” (Yeah, real last name)

I want Reynolds High School to change my grade!!!

Clearly, I was preparing for my career.

Talk about leave no child left behind?!!

You left me waaaayyy behind…

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Short

I'm just saying that if you walk around in the Summer time in a Football jersey, we should be able to tackle you. (even more so if its a team you hate)

"Bro what happened to your knee?"
"Wore my Romo jersey to the store"

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

He might kinda be that into you?!! Maybe

look Ladies I'm not saying its a bad Movie!
Its not THAT bad.
I'm just saying it should come with a warning label!


All I could think about while watching this "movie"
was the poor guys who had to watch it with their lady.


Who is:

1) Is on any date with a girl ( mostly the 1 threw 5 dates)
just sitting there and having to watch his date just suck up all this Bull Crap "guy conversations"
Freaking out in his head like :

"Fuck I'm not like this who thinks that way? Damn I wanted to just swing by KFC then my place this chick is going to hate me"!!!


2) A guy just talking his girl to the Movies
( because he loves her) sits threw the Biggest Chick flick since Sex in the city (the movie) and Dirty Dancing!
Then after; She turns to him and says
"How come your night like that?

BAMN!!!
Next thing you know fighting with your girl!
Or at least not scoring points for your night out
matter of fact you are way in the Minis now
AND you paid for it!
Guy could have just stayed home
and lost points by not mowing the lawn and watching golf all day!!!
but no you paid for a fight...
Or at least no way you going to be able to just swing by KFC on the way home...



I'm just saying it Should come with a label :

WARNING!!!
THIS MOVIE WILL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A DOUCHEBAG

Friday, June 12, 2009

Doing a Show for a Cancer Benefit in Wa.

We are going to do a Show Here?!!


When I first started doing Comedy I had no idea the places it would take me. I thought it would be like on T.V. nice Comedy Clubs, or Bars , with great crowds that can for the Show ready to laugh, and have a great time. While most of the time this is true, but sometimes we as Comics find ourselves in some crazy places. Places when I first started would have never guessed I would be doing a Show.
Here is a list of some the craziest places I have done Comedy at:
-Super max Prision
- Cage Fights (in the Cage in between fights)
-Radio station personality's living room
-Some guys garage
-A Field (a illegal field party)
-Biker rally
-Shit load of Strip Clubs (sounds like a good idea but its really not)
-Collage cafeteria
-Collage classroom
-Rodeo
-Retirement home
-Pipe shop
-Truck stop (between karaoke)
-Bachelorette party (they thought we were the strippers)
-Hospital
-On a boat
-Bowling Alley ( not in a bar in the Bowling Alley on the lanes)
-A street fair
-Swingers Club
-A Comic friend of mines basement for his mom and here friends
Just to name a few!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

What about the Carrot?

I'm just trying to eat a little Dinner...

Having a nice steak and eggs. Who doesn't like a little steak and eggs?
I'll tell you who...

The loud mouth Vegan at the next table, that's who!!!

Let me just say I have nothing against Vegans. Good for you , more meat for me!
I just had a problem with this peculiar "Veg".

Who felt she should inform me about how I should be ashamed of myself for for helping kill innocent animals, and that she was a Animal Rights Activist...

So of course my response is:
Go Fuck your salad Hippie!!!

We are at Busters BBQ
for god sakes!!! (OK so we were really at a Cracker Barrel, I'm just saying)

What the hell are you even doing here?
Other then shoving your values and beliefs down other peoples throats!!!

She was eating a Salad
you don't see me screaming at her because I'm a Plants Rights Activist!
You don't see me hanging out at my local salad bar. Going on and on about how
thousands and thousands of plants are needlessly killed every year!

Like the poor helpless Carrot, that is needlessly ripped out of its home, just months old.
Then shoved into a very crowded "bag" , unable to move around, where its kept alive for days.
Just to be chopped up and put into a salad!!!

What about the Carrot?!!
SAVE THE CARROT!!!


I'm just saying, shut up...I like meat...

MySpace.com Blogs - Joe Fontenot MySpace Blog

"So I'm just trying to watch a little T.V...........


Now. I already hate Commercials,
But most of all the ones they play over and over and over again
Like Taco Bells new one 'The FULLY LOADED Nachos'

NOT ONE EMPTY CHIP!!!
Full of meat ,Cheese and all the goods!
For only $3.99+tax

Now after seeing this about 6,000 X's , I get a hunger for 4th meal!!!
Having fallen victim to Taco Bells Commercials of Greatness over and over ,
just to get a dry sloppy stail pice of crap!

But I could resist! So I run to the boarder.
To get my 'FULLY LOADED' Nachos
Just to find I've been Fucked my the 'BELL' again!!!DAMN YOU TACO BELL!!!
The only this thing was 'LOADED' with is lies

What the hell!!!

I blame Drug testing in the work place!
I think that if you work at a Taco Bell , B.K. Mcd's or what ever, especially if its anytime after 10pm they should make you Get high....They should do reverse Drug testing No THC No Drive threw Job!!! I need a Stoned High School drop out making my Nachos...Stoners make great Nachos,or anything taco yummy!!!

I'm just saying....."