You "Rock the Vote" I'm watching Football

I'm not going to vote, that's right! Sorry, call me a dick. Say I'm what's wrong with America.
I don't care!!!
MTV and every body else is all about: "Rock the vote" NO I don't think so!!!
I don't think everyone should be able to vote. I think you should have to take a test to vote. I really think that's how bush was elected in the first place...
Did you see that? See what happens when people (me) with no education on the subject just starts throwing his opinion's around!!! Any Idea how thousands of folks like me could be dangerous at the polls!!!
Stop telling people who have no idea whats going on to vote, cause it's cool and Jay Z is doing it.
I would pay more attention to all the politics, But I have way too much Football, and ESPN to watch. I tryed but I just don't care. You know what I care about? I care if the Giants cover the spread THAT'S WHAT!!!

Besides it's way too much pressure to vote, I mean what if I vote for the wrong person?!! Huh then all of a sudden he goes nuts and starts talking about weapons of average destruction?!! Then we attack Mexico for no reason at all?!!
Then a year into the "Mexico America conflict" also known as "Sombrero Storm" we all find out the conflict had nothing to do with average weapons, but had everything to do with not having enough burritos in our country!
Then next thing I know we all are paying $3.89 for a burrito!!!
I'm sorry that's way too much pressure for me.
You guys go ahead and rock the vote, I'll be here watching Sports Center waiting for the change...

Favre its not you, its me...

I don't even know how to put this, so I'm just going to come out and say it...
Brett, we have had some really good times. I'm sorry, But I have to drop you from my fantasy team... I think it's time we move on.

We had a good run, it's just run it's course. My friends and family are starting to talk. It's just not a healthy relationship anymore. I can no longer go on defending you, let alone sit here and watch you do this to yourself, AND to us!!! I just need some space and some time to think.

I mean I gave you the best 21 years of my life!!! AND FOR WHAT?!!
It's like you're not even thinking about my needs anymore. You're just running around taking d*ck pics, and throwing things whereever at whoever without even thinking about how it's affecting me, or the people around you.

It hurts Brett, it hurts! I have supported you though everything Brett, EVERYTHING!!! You throw six picks in the playoff, I'm there, you retire every year, I'm there, you blow it in the NFC Championship game, I'm there, you take pics of your junk and I"M THERE!!!

But when I needed you on Sunday night where were you?!! You know maybe it's not you, maybe it's me. Maybe you're just trying to set every record in the NFL good and bad? If that's the case just say so!!!

Dude even the mouth breathing D BAG of a coach is talking crap!!! When is it going to end?!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I'm sorry, but I have picked up another QB. I just don't want you to hear it from someone else, his name is Flacco. Yes he is young, but I just can't wait for you any longer... I'm sorry it has to be this way but I can't change you, all I want is to be happy...

So long old pal, I hope you find the receiver you have been trying to throw to for 21 years...
Joe F.

I'm in pole position bitch!!!

Really Nascar has a cologne for men?!! WOW, I didn't know domestic violence had a scent...

AND while I'm at it, I really like it's funny that Nascar is sponsored by ExtenZE. So if you use it and "bust one" too fast, you can just say "hey baby relax I was just qualifying"

You don't like 2nd hand smoke? GO TO A BAR!!!

I almost stopped smoking today...
Then again I almost pushed an old lady out of the way after a six hour flight... I think I'm going to keep smoking for now. AND you are welcome!!!

After all if I didn't smoke that's one less person you non smokers have to bitch about, then what are you gonna do?! Start bitching about other smells you don't like?!! Are we gonna start hearing about the dangers of 2nd hand farts?!!

Not to mention all the health care professionals I'm keeping employed and with this economy?!! We need all the jobs we can get, so once again you're welcome!!!
Let me bring it down for you people...
Smoking stops me from freaking out on YOU, that's right YOU!

You the guy in line at Taco Bell talking on your cell phone while trying to order off the dollar menu.

You the little kind lady at the market who is paying with change after using coupons.

You the ASS who just cut me off in rush hour traffic, just so you can get to the next traffic light 1.5 seconds faster. If I didn't smoke YOU would be endanger, and I would be endanger of going to jail! Do you know how much of YOUR tax dollars it takes to house an inmate a day?

Not to mention what the hell am I suppose to after sex?! What, spoon??? Hookers hate that, and it coasts more. Maybe if cigarettes didn't coast so much I could afford that!

My favorite is: " Joe we want you around for a long time" ummm do you know me? I'm already a moody dick, and you want to take away smoking?!!
I'm just saying,
it's like this:
Joe - cigarettes = Total ASS HOLE
YOU ARE WELCOME!!!

Men are from Mars, Women don't poop..

First off, no good conversation ever starts with "you know what your problem is."

BUT... Ladies you know what your problem is?!!

I think you need to poop!
I have put a lot of thought into this, just hear me out. You don't have to be emotional, moody, and overly sensitive. I would be too if I couldn't poop when I needed to poop. Just let it go, I swear you will feel so much better.

"Oh, that's gross what would my boyfriend think?"
He would think you are human!!! Maybe you guys would get along better.

Maybe you would finally eat something. I too would only want a salad, if I had to hold it all night (and possibly though a 2 hour movie, and drinks after!!! Forget about sex!!!)
Maybe your job, and co workers aren't that bad after all? Could it possibly be that you are a little
"on edge" cause you need to let one go?
Maybe it's really not THAT big of a deal if I don't use a coaster!
Maybe you really don't like cats, and small dogs?
Maybe thongs are not comfortable, and they are just some kind of secret "poo blocker" if you will.

The more I think about it, the more I think you're a liar!!! That's right, you are living a lie! I don't even know you... How can you expect me to be completely honest with you. To share all my fears, hopes, and dreams? When you can't even truly be yourself?!!

is that beer cold?

Dear Coors Light,
Can you please stop with your cold activated labels, and case windows!!! It's BEER!!! We are going to drink it!!! Yea the mountains turn blue, great I'm not a first grader I'm not impressed. You are wasting money, no one is going to switch from whatever beer they drink to Coors Light like : "duh look, I can tell when that beer is cold" call me old fashion but you know how I can tell when my beer is cold I TOUCH IT!!! Or, wait for it, wait for it I take it out of the fridge!!! Gas is still $4,000 a gallon, But hey no worries we can now tell when the beer is cold...

When does it stop?!

Really hookers?!! It's come to this?

Saw an ad for an "escort service" Advertising for the "total girlfriend experience"?!!

UM...OK, so whats that mean? I have to bring flowers to my hooker, listen to her bitch about her day, then maybe do it missionary style in the dark with the covers on?.

When does it stop?

Do I have to call her the next day?

Meet her parents?

How much can $200 on hour get you?

More importantly do you only have an hour do do all this?!!

What would Favre do...

What the hells wrong with you Ken Griffey Jr?! You are only 40! You're suppose to wait tell after the season!!! Then announce it while crying, then change your mind and asked to be released so you can play for your teams biggest rivals, then when you don't get your way play 1/2 ass for another team, retire again, and keep dragging it on for years... What would Favre do Ken? What would Favre do?!!

I have way too much time on my hands...

Ok I get the "fan" thing on Facebook with bands, comics, sports teams BUT STORES NOW?!!

REALLY?!!

Recently someone suggested that I become a "fan" of Safeway... So instead of just hitting the ignore button, and cursing under my breath about how dumb it is. I decided to become a "fan" that way I can take it out on their fan page. So I started posting on their page, nothing crazy at FIRST but they keep deleting every thing I posted! I guess what I had to say wasn't "PC"!!! So of course I started to take it to the extreme, you want to delete my posts!!! I'm going to make it worth it. I will continue to terrorize what ever corporate dick who is in charge of this "fan" page. Here are just a few post that you will never see on the "fan page"

Dear Sirs,

First off I would like to say,

I love your store and shop there about three times a week. ( or should I say did shop there)

I love your low prices, and great selection! My only complaint is your more than over aggressive security and cracker jack produce department!!! Do they even know ripe?!! What kinda of training do they have? To call security on us and throw us out for testing the "ripeness" of a 9 inch cucumber is BULL CRAP!!! It's not like I was gong to put the cucumber back!!! I'm from a small farming town in Washington, I know a ready cucumber when I see one!!! AND trust me that one was ready!!! AND I was ready to buy and consume it BUT NO!!! Did you not see the large crowed that was watching and learning the proper way to pick out a ripe large ready cucumber? Maybe your staff should have been taking it in, and learning...GOOD DAY!!!

Dear Safeway

I'M DOING GOOD!!!

Thank you so much for asking!!! Can you please continue to follow me around the store, and ask me the same question over and over again?!! While your at it you should take down the signs that tell us whats in the the row, I don't have enough empty pointless conversations with people who really don't give a crap about "how I'm doing today" and look confused and bothered when I answer...Keep up the good work!!!

To whom it may concern:

Next time I buy a six pack and pizza pockets, and you ask me if I need help out. The answer will be yes, and by the way I'm taking the bus...

Dear customers of Safeway,

For god sakes will you please just cross the "road" in front of the store in a straight line, while not talking on your cell phone, in an orderly manner... WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR SO MANY PEOPLE?!! Thank you I fell better (until the next time I go to Safeway)

I'm sorry but once you walk out that door...

Dear ABC, Flash Forward, and V

Oh well?!!

Good to finally hear from you...

Its been a long 3 months since you left me... Without any notice or explanation!!!

Not even a "just gonna step out for a pack of smokes" NO, you just left me wondering why, I thought everything was going fine. I was really enjoying getting to know you.

I thought we were happy!!!

Then after 3 months you contact me????!!!! Talking about how you're coming "BACK!!!"

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!!

You think I was just going to wait and hope that someday you would just come back to me?

Just so you could leave again whenever you wanted to?

I just don't know even really know who you are. How could you do this to US?!!

Did you even stop for one min and think about my needs?

What I was going to do every week!!!

You can't just come and go like some kind of programing Yo-Yo!!!

I TOLD MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS ABOUT US!!!

I'm sorry, but I have moved on, I have changed the channel!!!

Trust me you're not the only channel in the sea!!!

For the last few weeks I have been seeing CBS...I really think it getting serious, and we have even decided not to see other channels. I want to build a future with CBS. Would love to see us running around with a little mini series or two!!!

I'm sorry but it's just way too late...Hope we can remain friends

good luck I really mean it,

Joe

Really?!!