Men are from Mars, Women don't poop..

First off, no good conversation ever starts with "you know what your problem is."

BUT... Ladies you know what your problem is?!!

I think you need to poop!
I have put a lot of thought into this, just hear me out. You don't have to be emotional, moody, and overly sensitive. I would be too if I couldn't poop when I needed to poop. Just let it go, I swear you will feel so much better.

"Oh, that's gross what would my boyfriend think?"
He would think you are human!!! Maybe you guys would get along better.

Maybe you would finally eat something. I too would only want a salad, if I had to hold it all night (and possibly though a 2 hour movie, and drinks after!!! Forget about sex!!!)
Maybe your job, and co workers aren't that bad after all? Could it possibly be that you are a little
"on edge" cause you need to let one go?
Maybe it's really not THAT big of a deal if I don't use a coaster!
Maybe you really don't like cats, and small dogs?
Maybe thongs are not comfortable, and they are just some kind of secret "poo blocker" if you will.

The more I think about it, the more I think you're a liar!!! That's right, you are living a lie! I don't even know you... How can you expect me to be completely honest with you. To share all my fears, hopes, and dreams? When you can't even truly be yourself?!!

is that beer cold?

Dear Coors Light,
Can you please stop with your cold activated labels, and case windows!!! It's BEER!!! We are going to drink it!!! Yea the mountains turn blue, great I'm not a first grader I'm not impressed. You are wasting money, no one is going to switch from whatever beer they drink to Coors Light like : "duh look, I can tell when that beer is cold" call me old fashion but you know how I can tell when my beer is cold I TOUCH IT!!! Or, wait for it, wait for it I take it out of the fridge!!! Gas is still $4,000 a gallon, But hey no worries we can now tell when the beer is cold...

When does it stop?!

Really hookers?!! It's come to this?

Saw an ad for an "escort service" Advertising for the "total girlfriend experience"?!!

UM...OK, so whats that mean? I have to bring flowers to my hooker, listen to her bitch about her day, then maybe do it missionary style in the dark with the covers on?.

When does it stop?

Do I have to call her the next day?

Meet her parents?

How much can $200 on hour get you?

More importantly do you only have an hour do do all this?!!

What would Favre do...

What the hells wrong with you Ken Griffey Jr?! You are only 40! You're suppose to wait tell after the season!!! Then announce it while crying, then change your mind and asked to be released so you can play for your teams biggest rivals, then when you don't get your way play 1/2 ass for another team, retire again, and keep dragging it on for years... What would Favre do Ken? What would Favre do?!!

I have way too much time on my hands...

Ok I get the "fan" thing on Facebook with bands, comics, sports teams BUT STORES NOW?!!

REALLY?!!

Recently someone suggested that I become a "fan" of Safeway... So instead of just hitting the ignore button, and cursing under my breath about how dumb it is. I decided to become a "fan" that way I can take it out on their fan page. So I started posting on their page, nothing crazy at FIRST but they keep deleting every thing I posted! I guess what I had to say wasn't "PC"!!! So of course I started to take it to the extreme, you want to delete my posts!!! I'm going to make it worth it. I will continue to terrorize what ever corporate dick who is in charge of this "fan" page. Here are just a few post that you will never see on the "fan page"

Dear Sirs,

First off I would like to say,

I love your store and shop there about three times a week. ( or should I say did shop there)

I love your low prices, and great selection! My only complaint is your more than over aggressive security and cracker jack produce department!!! Do they even know ripe?!! What kinda of training do they have? To call security on us and throw us out for testing the "ripeness" of a 9 inch cucumber is BULL CRAP!!! It's not like I was gong to put the cucumber back!!! I'm from a small farming town in Washington, I know a ready cucumber when I see one!!! AND trust me that one was ready!!! AND I was ready to buy and consume it BUT NO!!! Did you not see the large crowed that was watching and learning the proper way to pick out a ripe large ready cucumber? Maybe your staff should have been taking it in, and learning...GOOD DAY!!!

Dear Safeway

I'M DOING GOOD!!!

Thank you so much for asking!!! Can you please continue to follow me around the store, and ask me the same question over and over again?!! While your at it you should take down the signs that tell us whats in the the row, I don't have enough empty pointless conversations with people who really don't give a crap about "how I'm doing today" and look confused and bothered when I answer...Keep up the good work!!!

To whom it may concern:

Next time I buy a six pack and pizza pockets, and you ask me if I need help out. The answer will be yes, and by the way I'm taking the bus...

Dear customers of Safeway,

For god sakes will you please just cross the "road" in front of the store in a straight line, while not talking on your cell phone, in an orderly manner... WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR SO MANY PEOPLE?!! Thank you I fell better (until the next time I go to Safeway)

I'm sorry but once you walk out that door...

Dear ABC, Flash Forward, and V

Oh well?!!

Good to finally hear from you...

Its been a long 3 months since you left me... Without any notice or explanation!!!

Not even a "just gonna step out for a pack of smokes" NO, you just left me wondering why, I thought everything was going fine. I was really enjoying getting to know you.

I thought we were happy!!!

Then after 3 months you contact me????!!!! Talking about how you're coming "BACK!!!"

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!!

You think I was just going to wait and hope that someday you would just come back to me?

Just so you could leave again whenever you wanted to?

I just don't know even really know who you are. How could you do this to US?!!

Did you even stop for one min and think about my needs?

What I was going to do every week!!!

You can't just come and go like some kind of programing Yo-Yo!!!

I TOLD MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS ABOUT US!!!

I'm sorry, but I have moved on, I have changed the channel!!!

Trust me you're not the only channel in the sea!!!

For the last few weeks I have been seeing CBS...I really think it getting serious, and we have even decided not to see other channels. I want to build a future with CBS. Would love to see us running around with a little mini series or two!!!

I'm sorry but it's just way too late...Hope we can remain friends

good luck I really mean it,

Joe

Really?!!

The "T" started it...

Just wondering why "T" is at the end of my last name (Fontenot) ? I mean it doesn't make a sound, so why?
All it does is screw up how people say, or spell it! I mean the first "T" makes a sound SOOOOOO ?!!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU "T" WHY WONT YOU MAKE NOISE?!!
Its starting to piss me off the more I think about it. I got a free loader in my name!!!
Pretty soon all the other letters are gonna think it's ok for them not to make noise, then what am I gonna do?
"Hey whats you re last name?" Oh it's "_____"
spelled Fontenot ( the "T" started it)
I don't trust it, I think it's up to something!!!
You have one job!!! "T"
Get off you lazy "T" ass and make noise or get out of my name!!!
Crazy French with their wine, cheese, and silent letters...

You Got to be Favin me!!!